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This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The ABC's of Beth." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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Transcript[]
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Cold Open[]
[Beth, Summer and Morty are all sitting on the couch watching the television]
- TV: In local news, child murderer Joseph Eli Lipnip is scheduled to die tomorrow by lethal injection, his execution already drawing dozens more spectators than the death of TV news. Carla?
- Carla: The man that once ate his own son...
- Beth: Wow. He's really getting executed after all this time. You know the son that he ate was...
- Summer: Your best friend Tommy. We know. Stop true-crime bragging.
- Beth: I was traumatized, Summer. Okay, your generation wouldn't get that.
- Summer: Bitch, my generation gets traumatized for breakfast.
- Beth: It took years of therapy to even process the reality. I mean, when I was a kid I just told myself that tommy had gotten lost in the magical realm of Froopyland.
- Summer: "Froopyland?"
- Beth: My make-believe world. I know the name's stupid, but it was so real to me.
- [Rick enters the scene]
- Rick: Aren't you guys supposed to be at your father's for custody weekend?
- Morty: We're not in a hurry. Dad sleeps until sundown. Can we talk a little bit more, about this Froopy...
- [Rick takes out a bubble gun and shoots a bubble which traps Morty inside]
- [Rick opens the sliding door, and Morty floats outside]
- Summer: Not the bubble gun! There's no air...
- [Rick traps Summer in a bubble as well, who also floats out through the sliding door]
- Beth: I gotta say, I am warming up to the bubble gun.
- Rick: You know, if you're so great at naming things, why don't you do it from now on
- Beth: What?
- Rick: Froopyland. Was it my best work? I don't know. Does it deserve to be shit on creatively? Yeah, that's right. I agree with your look of horrified realization. You can be very inconsiderate sometimes.
[Cut to scene in the garage with Rick searching through a cardboard box]
- Rick: Here it is. You know, I collapsed a quantum tesseract to...
- Beth: Dad, I don't care how you made it. I want to know if Tommy's still in there!
- Rick: [Draws a rainbow door using chalk] Relax, Beth. [Opens door] If he is, we'll find him. He'll be the only sun-bleached skeleton with non-imaginary DNA.
- [Beth and Rick enter the door into Froopyland]
[Intro plays]
Act One[]
[Enter Froopyland]
- Beth: Tommy! Tommy! This is a nightmare. I can't believe you used to lock me up in this glorified chicken coop.
- Rick: Chicken coop? [Camera zooms out to show environment] Those are procedurally generated clouds, Beth. That river is a rainbow. Literally. Come on, I-I-I put real elbow grease into this place.
- Beth: Well, you're supposed to put elbow grease into your daughter!
- Rick: Gross.
- Beth: Do you think something ate him?
- Rick: Nope. Froopyland creatures were designed to be harmless. He definitely just starved to death.
- Beth: I could have been the one who starved to death in here. What if I'd gotten hurt?
- Rick: God you're right. I'm a terrible dad. Well, nothing to live for. Goodbye cruel world! [Proceeds to intentionally fall off a cliff]
- Beth: Dad!
- [Rick bounces off the floor, unscathed]
- Rick: Oh, how do you like that? What kind of merciless creature makes the ground bouncy? I'm gonna have to drown myself.
- [Beth jumps off the cliff as well]
- Beth: Unh!
- Rick: [Dips head into a rainbow river, attempting to drown himself] Oh, no. Oh, the water's breathable? Who went and did that?
- Beth: Oh, whatever.
- Rick: [Emerges from the river] Yeah, whatever. A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2, and it breaks the front page of Reddit, but I'm Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad. I think the words you're looking for are... Aah! [A giant grotesque bird sinks its claws into Rick's arm, bouncing him around] Holy fuck! Shit! This thing has claws!
- Beth: Yeah, I get it. It's a childproof world.
- Rick: No, no, seriously, this hurts really bad! This thing is sinking its razor-sharp claws in... [Bird flies away with rick] Aah! Shit!
- Beth: You've made your point, Dad.
- [Bird shrieks]
- Beth: Dad?
[Cut to Jerry's apartment where Beth and Morty, still in bubbles, fly into the wall when the bubbles pop, gasping for air]
- Summer: Whose idea was this stupid custody weekend thing?
- Morty: I-I think it's supposed to help prevent abandonment issues.
- Summer: I want to be abandoned.
- Morty: Yeah, I'm talking about Dad.
- [Jerry opens the door]
- Jerry: Bienvenue a la Chez Divorced Dad.
- Summer: Wow, Dad. Your place looks way less like a crackhouse. [Jerry closes door]
- Morty: It's actually clean, like a cocaine house. Dad, what's going on?
- Jerry: I'm simply centered, activated...
- [Summer knocks a mug of coffee over, Jerry stops it using his mind]
- Morty: And telekinetic?
- Jerry: Pretty cool, huh? Check it out. Who wants a smoothie?
- [Jerry uses his telekinesis to create a smoothie out of fruit, but does not put the top on]
- Jerry: [Smoothie turns on] Oh... Oh, no. Uh, oh, God. Summer... Summer, can you... [Jerry pushes summer with his telekinesis]
- Summer: Aah!
- Jerry: Sorry.
- [The smoothie stops and floats, as a Kiara, a female blue alien enters the room]
- Kiara: You have much to learn, my Uloo.
- Jerry: Morty, Summer, this is Kiara. She's a Krootabulan warrior priestess from Krootabulon.