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The Real Animated Adventures of Doc and Mharti/Transcript

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PM-icon-101 This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Real Animated Adventures of Doc and Mharti." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "N/A" Next: "Pilot"
MHARTI 

Aw man...my kites in the tree, Doc! I can't....I hate this stupid tree! I'm so sad... 

DOC 

Don't be sad Mharti! We'll go back in time! And we'll make sure that your kite doesn't get caught in the tree! 

MHARTI 

Alright Doc, that sounds great! I'm gonna go get my boots!  

[TITLE AND THEME]  

MHARTI 

Alright Doc, I'm back! I got my boots! I'm excited! Let's go, let's get out of here! 

DOC 

Mharti, Mharti we have a problem! The time travel car won't start! 

MHARTI 

Oh no! What can we do? What are we gonna do...? 

DOC 

My chapped, bloody testicles Mharti! 

MHARTI 

What?! 

DOC 

I need you to lick them! 

MHARTI 

Oh my god...what?! What?! You want me to lick 'em?! 

DOC 

Yes Mharti! It's the only way to fix my time travel car! You have to lick my balls, Mharti! The saliva needs to be warm and fresh! And it must be administered by your tongue, Mharti! 

MHARTI 

But I don't understand how that would work, Doc; I-I don't, I don't, I'm confused. I don't- 

DOC 

Mharti, trust me! I built this car with my own two hands, from the ground, up! Hurry! 

MHARTI 

Okay Doc, you've convinced me...here goes nothing...[SLURPING SOUNDS] 

DOC 

That's it Mharti! Slather your wet tongue all over my balls! Don't miss a spot! It's working Mharti! It's working!  

[TRANSITION CARD; ONE HOUR LATER...]  

DOC 

Okay Mharti, here we are. In your front lawn thirty years ago. The very same day that that tree was planted! 

MHARTI 

Oh Doc, who do you think planted it? How are we gonna stop him? 

DOC  

It doesn't matter who planted the tree, Mharti. The only way to stop them, is by having you lick my balls! 

MHARTI 

Again?! 

DOC 

That's right, Mharti! [BELCHING] W-We're in the year 1955, now! What do you think goes on here, Mharti? You think i-i-if you saw some guy lickin' some balls, you'd just walk by happily? I don't think so Mharti! That ain't how it works here, Mharti! If this man comin' to plant trees in your yard sees you suckin' on my balls, somethin' [MORE BELCHING] s-scientific and magic will happen to him! Trust me Mharti! Somethin' real magic and scientific! 

MHARTI 

But Doc...I thought lickin' your balls fixes the time car... 

DOC 

There isn't time to argue, Mharti! He's coming right now! Get down on your knees, and stick your tongue on my balls! It's the only way! I'm a doctor, Mharti! [BELCHING] Trust me, Mharti! 

MHARTI 

Alright Doc...say no more. I'm goin' down to your balls right now...[MORE SLURPING SOUNDS] 

1950'S MAN 

Ouch... 

DOC 

It's working, Mharti! 

1950'S MAN 

[SCREAMING IN PAIN] I'm disappearing! It hurts! Jesus Christ! It burns! 

DOC 

Good job, Mharti! 

MHARTI 

Doc, we killed him! 

DOC 

Now why don't we go back and fly your kite, Mharti? It'll be fun, Mharti! 

[TRANSITION CARD, LATER THAT DAY...] 

MHARTI 

[LAUGHING] Oh, oh Doc this is the most fun! 'Cause now that there's no tree, I can fly the kite all in the yard... 

DOC 

Yes Mharti, ha! Ahaha! It's fun Mharti, hahahahar! Arr matey! 

MHARTI 

But still...I sometimes often wonder...who that 1950's man was. We killed him, remember? I wonder who he was. 

DOC 

Oh my god, Mharti! You're disappearing!  

MHARTI 

Oh god Doc, why?! What-What's goin' on?! Y-You gotta help me Doc! I'm fading away! I'm disappearing...it hurts! 

DOC 

That 1950's man, Mharti! He must have been your great, great, great, great, great, Grandfather! 

MHARTI 

Hurry Doc! What can we do?! You gotta fix me! 

DOC 

I don't know what to do, Mharti! 

MHARTI 

Wait Doc, I've got an idea! Y-Your balls! Let me lick on your balls, Doc! 

DOC 

By jove, you're right Mharti! Hurry! Suck on my balls! 

MHARTI 

[EVEN MORE SLURPING SOUNDS] 

DOC 

This time is a little different, Mharti! You have to jerk me off while you do it! Jerk me off, hurry! It's for your life, Mharti! Jerk me off! 

MHARTI 

O-Oh...please...please work... 

DOC 

It's working Mharti! It's working! 

MHARTI 

You did it, Doc! You really- you saved my life! 

DOC 

No Mharti, we saved your life. We saved your life.  

[NEXT TIME ON DOC AND MHARTI]  

DOC 

What is it Mharti? What's the matter? 

MHARTI 

Oh Doc, I'm in big trouble! I wasted the whole summer flying my kite in the front yard, when I should have been studying for this huge test I got! 

DOC 

When is the test, Mharti? 

MHARTI 

Aw Doc, it's tomorrow. I don't stand a chance! 

DOC 

Lick my balls, Mharti. Lick my fucking balls. 

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