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This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Rickshank Rickdemption." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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Transcript for Rickshank Redemption. WORK IN PROGRESS
Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place.
Morty: Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen.
Rick: Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?
Beth: Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home?
Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.
Jerry: Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is --
Rick: Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times.
Jerry: You got it. [ Grunting ]
Rick: Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect [bleep] didn't think I was worth your best equipment?
Cornvelious Daniel: [ Chuckles ] Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer.
Rick: Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.
Cornvelious Daniel: Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum.
Rick: Shoney's.
Cornvelious Daniel: Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush.
[ Farts ]
Rick: Relaxed enough? [ Chuckles ]
Cornvelious Daniel: I admire you, Rick--
[ Farts ]
Rick: [ Laughs ]
Cornvelious Daniel: When I-- [ Farts ]
Rick: [ Laughs ]
Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, here's-- [ Farts ]
Rick: [ Laughs ]
Gromflomite Captain: What's going on?
Gromflomite Worker: It's hard to tell. He may have manifested some sort of butt.
Gromflomite Captain: He can do that?
Gromflomite Worker: He is the smartest man in the universe.
Transition to Smith residence
Jerry: [ Sighs contently ] I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth -- best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week, and I still don't know what I do.
Summer: Who cares how high they promote you? Everyone just gets paid in pills.
Jerry: Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living, youcan make your own rules.
Beth: Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income.
[ Bottle shatters ]
Conroy: I'll get that in a moment. How are everyone's pills? Oh, Morty, you've hardly touched your pills.
Morty: I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I [muffled] wasn't gonna eat any more pills. [ Gulps ] Thank you, Conroy.
Jerry: You spoil us, Conroy.
Summer: [Slams hands on table] Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!
Beth: [Bangs fist on table] Stop saying his name! He abandoned us.
Jerry: [Bangs fist on table] Willem Dafoe! Th-That's the guy I couldn't think of this morning.
Beth: Don't make my mistake, Summer. Don't deify the people that leave you. You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses [ Sobs ] healthy forever. [ Sniffles ] Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself?
Summer: Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling!
Conroy: Who saved room for pill brûlée?
Jerry: Ooh! [ Chuckles ]
Transition to Shoney's
Convelious Daniel: I can see why you chose this family-friendly restaurant to represent your cerebellum. So safe, so comfortable, so Shoney's. But admit it, Rick -- you're going crazy cooped up in here. Let's go visit some memories.
Rick: Oh, any particular ones? You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel?
Cornvelious Daniel: [ Squeals ]
Rick:' Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching. Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape?
Cornvelious Daniel: It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun.
Rick: Yeah, well, tough titties.
[ Rumbling ]
Convelious Daniel: There's no tougher titty than a psychotic break, Rick.
Rick: Well, that depends on who breaks first -- me or the titty.
Cornvelious Daniel: Someone special you remember? Is that your memory of her out there -- between where you were on 9/11 and your favorite sports blooper?
[ Whooshing ]
Cornvelious Daniel: If we stay here, you'll die, along with all your memories. If you take me where I want to go she'll be there, too, won't she?
Rick: The day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her.
Cornvelious Daniel: Oh, that sounds cool. I can get what I want and you can say goodbye.
Rick: [ Sighs ] Fine, but I'm driving.
9/11 Memory Rick: --as an excuse to strip away our freedom!
Transition to the Garage
Morty: Huh? What are you -- What are you doing?
Summer: Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab, right? With, like, laser guns and jets packs and a space tank! And we can go break him out of prison! Look at these dead flies! Maybe if we arrange them in a certain order, it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door.
Morty: Summer, you're freaking me out. I know things have changed a lot, and I know you miss Rick, but getting him back wouldn't make things better. And, you know, we're not doing so bad.
Summer: We're miserable, Morty! There's a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47, and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!
Morty: Hey, I like being 35. I-I can rent a car now.
Summer: Because you suck! You've been keeping your lip zipped about it since Grandpa got arrested, but the fact is, you're freaking stoked to bail on him.
Morty: He bails on everybody! He bailed on Mom when she was a kid! He -- He bailed on tiny planet! And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer, he bailed on you. He left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care! Because nobody's special to him, Summer, not even himself. So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel. The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard!
Summer: You're right!
Morty: What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!
[ Summer grunting ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
Morty: Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa!
[ Thunder crashes ]
Transition into Rick's mind
Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going?
Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything.
McDonald's Drive-thru speaker: Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?
Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.
Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting.
Rick: Okay. All right, all right.
Cornvelious Daniel: Is that--
Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants.
[ Zapping ]
Cornvelious Daniel: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel?
Rick: I didn't. I did.
[ Whooshing ]
Alternate Rick: Well, well, well. If it isn't us. You know the worst part about inventing teleportation? Suddenly, you're able to travel the whole galaxy, and the first thing you learn is, you're the last guy to invent teleportation. Fortunately, you're about to invent something much more powerful.
Cornvelious Daniel: [ Squeals ]
Young Rick: What?
Transition to Smith backyard
[ Thunder crashes ]
Morty: Summer, nobody has to know about that. We could put it right back and pretend we never saw it, like we did with Dad's mannequin leg.
Summer: Fine, stay here. I'll rescue Grandpa myself.
Morty: And how are you gonna do that?
Summer: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do.
Morty: Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um-
Conroy: My goodness, children. [ Stern robotic voice ] Relinquish the illegal technology to the nearest Federation representative. [ Normal voice ] And then we'll all play Balderdash.
[ Both whimper, scream ]
[ Whooshing ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Farting ]
[ Grunts ]
Conroy: Oh, my goodness! Oh, oh! My goo-- [ Crackling ]
Summer (C-137): Oh, my God. I have that exact same top.
Summer: What is this place? And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer?
Morty: That's my sister. This used to be my home.
Transition to Rick's mind
Alternate Rick: Imagine doing anything you want, then hopping to a timeline where you never did it. Imagine going anywhere, anytime, with nobody able to stop you.
Young Rick: Sounds lonely.
Alternate Rick: Lonely? Dude, you have yourself -- your infinite selves. It's a nonstop party where all the guests are the only person we like. You think it's cool being the smartest man on Earth, but once we give you this technology, you become the smartest thing in every conceivable universe -- the Infinite Rick, a god.
Young Rick: Eh, pass.
Alternate Rick: Excuse me? Bro, Ricks don't pass on this. Who do you think you are?
Young Rick: A different kind of Rick, I guess.
Alternate Rick: Well, we'll see how long that lasts.
[ Whooshing ]
Diane: I heard sci-fi noises. Did you make a breakthrough?
Young Rick: Sort of. I just took a long look at myself, and I don't think this science thing is gonna pay off.
Diane: Well, why don't I get Beth and we'll go out for ice cream?
Young Rick: That, Dianne, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage.
Transition to Smith residence (C-137)
[ Munching loudly ]
Summer: Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume. Mom, you're looking feral. I can't believe Rick did this.
Morty: These are the parts of Rick's adventures you don't get to see -- the parts he leaves behind. All right, it's been great, guys. I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick "I told ya so." So, uh--
Jerry (C-137): Looking for this?
Morty: What are you doing with that?!
Jerry (C-137): It stinks of Rick. [ Grunts ]
Morty: No! Why?! Why would you do that?! W-W-What is the matter with you people?!
Jerry (C-137): You can never leave. She cannot remain.
Summer (C-137): She stinks of Rick.
Portal opens, Ricks exits through it
[ All scream ]
Morty: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137.
Ricks look at each other
Guard Rick: We detected a compromised portal gun. Where is your Rick?
Summer: He's in prison.
Morty: Summer.
Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him.
Guard Rick: Very troubling. We can't risk Citadel secrets falling into the Federation's hands. We'll dispatch SEAL Team Ricks immediately to break into the prison holding C-137.
Summer: Boo-yah!
Guard Rick: Aand assassinate him.
Summer: Boo-nah?
Transition to Rick's mind
[ Horn honks ]
Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.
Cornvelious Daniel: [ Munching ]
Portal opens
[ Whooshing ]
Blinking ball falls through
[ Beeping ]
Young Rick: Nooooooo!
Ball explodes, killing Diane and young Beth
Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is [bleep] amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? [ Slurping ]
Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I [bleep] got it.
Young Rick opens portal
Cornvelious Daniel: Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun?
Rick: Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.
Cornvelious Daniel: Awesome-possum. [ Whirring ] Mission Control, you getting this?
Gromflomite Worker: Holy shit, yes! Yes, we got it!
Cornvelious Daniel: Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. [ Beat ] Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me?
Rick: Nope, they cannot.
Cornvelious Daniel: Why not?
Rick: Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer.
Cornvelious Daniel: What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory.
Rick: True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story.
World around them turns into Shoney's
Cornvelious Daniel: It's a trap! Abort! I'm still in his Shoney's! Repeat -- we never left his Shoney's!
Rick: Mission accomplished, boys. Pull me out.
Gromflomite Worker: Roger that.
Rick: Okay, have fun in what's left of my brain. I'm gonna transfer to yours. Oh, there's not enough room for all my genius, so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture, my desire to play the trumpet, my tentative plans to purchase a hat, and six years of improv workshops. Comedy comes in threes.
Cornvelious Daniel: It's a trap! Abort! We never left his -- [ Farts ] [ Rick laughs ] No!
Rick exits the machine in Cornvelious Daniel's body
Cornvelious Daniel/Rick: Another day, another dollar. Am I right great insect creature or whaaat?!
Gromflomite Captain: Congratulations, Agent. You'll be highly commended for this.
Cornvelious Daniel/Rick: Always wait for permission to [burps] feel accomplishment. That's my motto.
Gromflomite Captain: One thing still perplexes me -- why would Rick Sanchez turn himself in? Well,
Cornvelious Daniel/Rick: I'm just a dumb-ass bug, but it's possible Rick knew he'd be interrogated at this facility, where we not only keep our most wanted, but our most sensitive data. Anyone here with level-nine access could [burps] I don't know, collapse a government. I'm just gonna go take a dump. Is it cool if I use the level-nine bathroom? W-W-What's the level-nine master access code again?
Gromflomite Worker: Oh, that's easy. 8-3--
SEAL Team Rick leader: Yeah! SEAL Team Rick's in the house!
[ Screaming ]
Rick(D-99) Hi, Rick. Bye, Rick.
Rick transfers his mind into D-99
SEAL Team Rick leader: D-99, y-you okay?
[ Grunting ]
Rick (D-99)/Rick: I'm bummed I didn't get to give that insect dick a test-drive.
Braided Rick: Wait, wait, wait, wait! T-The Council of Ricks sent us. We have your Morty and Summer. They're prisoners on the Citadel.
Rick(D-99)/Rick: Great!
Braided Rick: [ Grunts ]
Speaker system: Security breach in room 6755.
Rick(D-99)/Rick: Lovely. Not only is my plan screwed up, I also forgot how to improvise.
Speaker system: All security people approach.
Rick(D-99)/Rick: [ Grunts ]
Speaker system: Security breach.
Transition to Citadel of Ricks
Summer: A city of Grandpas?
Morty: It's the Citadel of Ricks. All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government.
Summer: But if every Rick hates the government, why would they hate Grandpa?
Morty: Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself.
Guard Rick: Not anymore, homey. SEAL Team Ricks turned his unibrow into two brows -- with a bullet. [ Laughter ] Your Rick's dead! Your Rick's dead!
Transition to Citadel communications center
Worker Rick: Sir, Rick D-99 is returning from the mission alone. Apparently, SEAL Team Ricks suffered heavy casualties.
Commander in Chief Rick: Bring him in.
Worker Rick: He says he'll only talk to a Rick with higher clearance.
Commander in Chief Rick: La-di-da. Give me that. D-99, this is the commander in chief of the Citadel's militia.
Rick(D-99)/Rick: Go[burps] -- good enough.
Rick transfers his mind into Commander in Chief Rick
Commander in Chief Rick/Rick: He's a spy. Blow him up. I'm gonna go take a shit.
Transition to room of Council of Ricks
Riq IV: Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?
Morty: How is this a fair trial? O-Our lawyer is a Morty.
Riq IV: It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer. We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go.
"Lawyer" Morty: [ Laughs ] Ha ha, yeah!
Riq IV: We'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?
Summer: I say [bleep] you! My grandpa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick.
Riq IV: Morty?
"Lawyer" Morty: [ Whispers indistinctly ]
Morty: What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super [bleep]up god.
Riq IV: Let's not suck the ghost of his [bleep] too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead.
Morty: Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you!
Council of Ricks: [ All grumbling ]
Commander in Chief Rick/Rick:[ Whistling ]
Teleportation Worker Rick: Hey, whoa, whoa! What are you doing in here? This area's for teleporting the entire Citadel to somewhere else using only buttons and dials.
Commander in Chief Rick/Rick: Yeah, well, it's a bad idea to have it designed that way then, isn't it?
[ Whirring ]
[ Screaming ]
Teleporter Worker Rick: What the [bleep] We just teleported into a galactic federal prison.
Commander in Chief Rick/Rick: I'm gonna go take a shit.
[ Alarm blaring ]
"Lawyer" Morty: Order in the court! Whoa! What the hell?! Oh, my God!
Kidnapped Morty: [ Screaming ]
Random Rick: Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, no!
Hammerhead Morty: Whoa! [ Screaming ] Whoa!
Quantum Rick/Rick: The Citadel's been teleported to [burps] Federation space. It's doomed. This has to be C-137, you guys. What are we gonna do?! You know he's coming for us.
Riq IV: All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty.
Zeta Alpha Rick: W-W-What the hell is that?
Quantum Rick/Rick: Payback.
Council of Rick: [ Screaming ]
Summer: Grandpa Rick!
Quantum Rick/Rick rips off his uniform and shakes his hair to standard Rick hair, becoming Rick
Rick: Duh!
Summer: You're alive!
Morty: Rick!
Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later.
Ricktiminus Sancheziminius: Hold on, hold on. Whoa!
Riq IV: That's enough, Rick.
Rick: What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.
Summer: That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me.
Riq IV: You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them.
Rick: I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer.
Summer: Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!
Morty: R-Rick?
Riq IV: Why not shoot through her?
Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do.
Summer: What the [bleep]
Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death.
Riq IV: Because you love her!
Rick: Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl.
Summer: I hate you!
Rick: Not an issue, sweetie.
Morty: That's enough! Drop the gun, Rick!
Rick: Morty, I know you're too stupid to get this, but you're really [bleep] this up right now.
Morty: I'm not letting you let my sister die! Drop the gun!
Rick: I wasn't gonna let her die, you [bleep] moron!
Riq IV: Ha!
Summer: Aww.
Rick: The point is he thought I was going to.
Riq IV: I totally did, by the way. You're a [bleep] moron, Morty.
Summer: Morty, you [bleep] idiot!
Rick: You're a serious [bleep] idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand.
[ All yelling ]
[ Screaming ]
Morty shoots Rick
Morty: Who's stupid now, bitch?!
Summer: Morty, we just got him back!
Riq IV: [ Laughs ] That was amazing, Morty. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay, let's wrap this-
Rick shoots Riq IV
Rick: Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids.
Summer: What?! What happened?
Rick: Oldest Rick trick in the book.
Summer: "Fake gun, shoot me in standoff." Brilliant.
Morty: Ha, yeah. G-Good thing I saw that note.
Summer: Can't we just portal home?
Rick: Not until I finish what I started. And that is how you get level-nine access without a password.
Gromflomite Guard: Freeze!
Rick: Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen.
Morty: So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways?
Rick: Destroying the [burps] galactic government.
Morty and Summer: Awesome! Whoa, cool!
Summer: Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?
Morty: Ooh, or -- or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet?
Rick: Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire by changing a one to a zero.
Transition to Galactic Federation President's office
Federation worker 1: Mr. President, the Blemflarck's value just dropped to nothing.
Galactic Federation President: What do you mean?
Federation worker 1: I mean, our single centralized galactic currency just went from being worth one of itself to zero of itself.
[ Panicked murmuring ]
Galactic Federation president: Calm down, people. Deploy the galactic militia and declare martial law.
Federation commandor: Yes, sir. Uh, what should I pay them with?
Federation worker 2: Their payment is the honor they'll feel to serve their -- Wait. Who's paying me to yell at this guy?
Federation worker 3: I can answer that -- for money.
Federation worker 1: I never thought I'd live to see this day.
[ Panicked murmuring ]
Galactic Federation President: Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen! There's a solution here you're not seeing.
Federation worker 3: Give me your jacket!
Federation worker 1: Give me those pants!
[ Indistinct shouting ] [ Indistinct shouting ]
Female Office Employee: There's no rich people or poor people! I want more jackets!
Gromflomite Office Employee: He who controls the pants controls the galaxy!
Jerry: [ Whimpering ] [ Gasps ] [ Whimpering ]
Mr. Goldenfold: No longer will the insects have domain over surface world!
Jerry: [ Whimpering ]
Beth: Jerry, what the hell is happening?!
Jerry: The galactic government collapsed.
Beth: Are you okay?
Jerry: Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. [ Gasps ] Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose?
Beth: Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us.
Rick: Guess who dismantled the government?
Beth: Please don't leave me again.
Rick: I never will, baby.
Summer: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan!
Rick: Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison.
Jerry: Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time.
Rick: No, you're right. Where's the vodka?
Jerry: Beth, it's him or me!
[ Beat ]
Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage.
Transition to garage
Rick: What the [bleep] Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle.
[ Workbench Beeps ]
Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced.
Rick: Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that.
Beth: Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear. I feel terrible that I misjudged you. This is gonna be good for Jerry.
Rick: For everybody.
Beth: For everybody.
[ Text whooshes ]
Beth: I better tend to Jerry before he changes his mind and doesn't move out. I will leave you two to your adventures.
Summer: Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard, and it technically counts as patriotism.
Morty: Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced? All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my --
Rick: Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom. We've got adventures to go on, Morty -- just you and me -- and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom, but never your dad. You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me.
Morty: Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark.
Rick: Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that's different -- no more Dad, Morty.
Morty: Oh, geez.
Rick: He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away.
Morty: Oh [bleep]
Rick: I've rep[burps]laced them both as the de facto patriarch of your family and your universe. Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home -
Morty:Oh, man.
Rick: - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom -
Morty: Oh, man.
Rick: - or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it -
Morty: You're gonna deny it.
Rick: - and they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty. And now you're gonna have to go -
Morty: Oh.
Rick: - and do whatever I say, Morty, forever! And I'll -- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that "Mulan" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty. -
Morty: What are you talking about?
Rick: - Because that's -- that's what this is all about, Morty.
Morty: Szechuan?
Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce.
Morty: McNuggets?
Rick: I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty.
Morty: What the hell?
Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty.
Morty: What are you talking about, Rick?
Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty.
Morty: What are you talking about?!
Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce.
Morty: What is that?!
Rick: For 97 more years, Morty!
Morty: What are you talking about?!
Rick: I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!
Credits roll
Tammy: Is it ready?
Gromflomite worker: Yes. We can bring it online now.
Tammy: Do it.
Birdperson: I am Phoenixperson.
Tammy: Phoenix Person? Is that what we settled on? I thought we all agreed on Cyberbird.
Gromflomite worker: You said you didn't care what he was called as long as we brought him back.
Tammy: Yeah, but Phoenixperson? Fine [bleep] it. Who cares? [ Grunts ]
Phoenixperson: Ka-kaw!
Rick and Morty (2013) Episode Scripts | More Television Show Episode Scripts Read more: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=rick-and-morty-2013&episode=s03e01